National Lampoon's Redneck Wedding

Here is a good story from back in my home state of Alabama -->

For those of you who don't know, I grew up and went to college in Birmingham, Alabama. When I was a freshman in college I was invited to the wedding of an acquaintance of mine from high school (at the ripe old age of 18). So being the first friend of mine to ever get married, of course I had to go.

The wedding was to be held at sunset on the banks of the Warrior River, aw how romantic. I had no idea where I was going, but I was warned by a friend who was going as well that I should leave early because it would take at least an hour to get there, even though it was only a few exits away on the interstate.

So I coaxed my boyfriend of the time to go with me. His response was no way, they are going to lynch me out there (speaking as a relatively dark skinned Hispanic man). But I made him go anyway, I still didn't believe that it could be that far out in the country.

We are driving along down a highway, then a two lane road, then an unlined blacktop, then a gravel road, then two ruts in the middle of a field and finally an hour later we get to the site of the long anticipated nuptials. At this point, Jose refused to get out of the car until I threatened to kick him out and leave him there.

So we get out and head towards the river where the site for wedding was designated by pews made from hay bales. There were those tiki torches which people use for luau parties on the end of the rows of haybales. So we went and stood in front of a hay bale as the bride appeared, radiant in her prom dress worn for the first time only a few monts before, and barefoot. The groom was also barefoot wearing a white untucked shirt and black pants. At this point the soot from the tiki torches is blowing into the guests eyes and a large golden retriever appears out of nowhere and begins jumping on us (yes, a dog), although this probably didn't bother most guests, as I felt overdressed in my sundress compared to most of the other guests' blue jean cut offs and fringe leather vests. The vows are then exchanged without a hitch. The minister informs us that no rings will be exchanged as the bride and groom will be tatooing their wedding bands on their ring fingers (how Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee!). Then its time for the reception!

We turn and march 100 yards down a hill to where the grooms parents have set up a tent in their front yard for the reception where plenty of barbecue, coleslaw, and cold beer await the guests. The bride and groom complete a wonderful toast with pink lemonade (as obviously they are too young to drink alcohol). But wait, something was missing... the music. Don't worry, an obliging guest simply backed up his JEEP wrangler, took down the soft top and blared some CD's from the car stereo.

What more can I say? I heard about six months later that the marriage had ended after 4 months of bliss and stocked this story away as quite possibly the most amazing redneck spectacle I have ever seen. And I'm glad that I went.